Illegals and Their Lawyers = Parasites
Lawyers, Unions and democrat politicians are parasites – along with their fellow illegal immigrants. But why? My story tells all. (Updated to 2015)
Since our economy is going into the toilet and taking me with it, I wanted to show my disappointment with arrogance by making a political statement. What better way but to have people think I had started to buy gold and hold it in anticipation of the looming market crash everyone expects. It is going to be catastrophic. So, I found this really great site where I could buy a mural that covered my entire garage door. As you can see above, the picture I picked out was that of a stack of gold bricks that made it appear they were neatly stacked in my garage. But how would I know something would happen that would capture the eyes of the entire neighborhood and go viral.
It wasn’t long before I heard a few sirens outside. When I looked out my upstairs window, I noticed an ambulance with a stretcher being pulled out, two police cars parked at various angles blocking any traffic from getting by, and a newsman from a local mainstream media outlet filming, using equipment hooked up to huge cables running out of the back of his news truck which was weighted down with a huge extendable antenna on top. I was curious as to what was going on and ran downstairs, unlocked my sliding glass door and made it pass several other onlookers to get a better view of what happened. There was a person being loaded on the ambulance stretcher, hooked up to an IV, getting his blood pressure monitored and his vitals reviewed by the paramedics. One paramedic was on the phone apparently talking to the emergency room giving the latest update about the person’s condition to a doctor on call. The police were walking around trying to ask onlookers if they had seen what happened. No one had. It wasn’t until the next day when I learned from the police what had happened.
My doorbell rang and their was a couple of knocks on the door as well. Whoever it was, it seemed they where anxious to get someone to answer. I pulled back the side curtain and noticed two policemen seriously positioned at my front door. I opened it. The first thing they asked me was, “Is the garage door with the mural on it, yours?” I just love their trick questions since the condo number on the wall above the garage door matched the one on the front door they just knocked on. “Of course,” I said. “Yes.” “What’s the problem, officers?” “I am sure you know we had an incident where someone was hurt yesterday right in front of someone’s garage door. Well, the man we took to the hospital yesterday couldn’t speak English so it took us awhile to get an interpreter to translate for us so we could get his side of the story. That’s when we learned that he actually didn’t know what happened because he had blacked out and couldn’t remember. But one thing we did know was that it happened right in front of your garage door. The doctor told us it appeared he had been running really fast and smashed into something knocking himself out. We think it might have been your garage since we just took a closer look and found blood stains on it at a level that matches our victim’s general height. The interpreter mentioned that he may be an illegal alien and we confirmed that later this morning because he had a record and had been designated as one who was under a deportation order. They released him this morning from the hospital and we have not been able to find him. ICE released him a few weeks ago asking him to return for his deportation date and he didn’t show.” “Wow,” I said. “You guys are really busy. But what does this have to do with me?”
They continued. “Here is what we think happened. We believe he may have been casing the area looking of an opportunity to break into one of the condos here in your complex. But when he saw the gold bricks on your mural, he thought he had struck gold and made a quick dash to your garage thinking he was about to strike it rich. That is when he ended up on the ground passed out. We have no idea why you are displaying that mural but in doing so you may have unintentionally cause bodily harm to an innocent passerby. So I am sorry, but we are going to have to ask you to take it down so it doesn’t cause any further injury to unsuspecting victims who might happen to be walking by. And since the victim doesn’t have any insurance, the hospital has asked us to file a report as soon as possible so they will have cause to send you a bill for their expenses incurred while caring for him. As a consequence, we may have to site you for causing bodily injury and charge you with aggravated assault since the damages were significant. We are sorry for the inconvenience, we are just doing our job.” I was going to say, “wait, I didn’t get all that. Could you start from the beginning?” But that would not be a good idea since they may think I was being facetious. I was not looking for a free ride to the police station at the moment.
Later that afternoon, I learned that, though the police and ICE were not able to find the guy, an attorney had. A server arrived at my door and presented me with a request from the man’s attorney asking me to provide the name of my homeowner’s insurance company so they could file a claim. There was also a notice that they had received a copy of the police report and were in the process of filing a civil action asking for compensatory damages to cover anticipated long-term pain and suffering caused by serious injury at no fault of their client. They recommended that I come to a meeting in their office to discuss a settlement agreement to avoid formal court proceedings from being filed on behalf of their client. I said, “I’ll get back to ya on that,” and closed the door. As soon as I closed the door, the phone rang. It was the ambulance company calling to confirm my address so they could send me a bill for transportation expenses associated with the victim’s transport to the nearest hospital.
It wasn’t long before my address was out for all to see. I knew for sure that was the case when I began to notice an ever-increasing string of automobiles starting to slowly drive past my home. Some of the vehicles had one or two occupants but several had as many as 4. I noticed that many of those cars had Obama/Biden stickers pasted on them in places where there was very little other space since numerous other stickers blanketed the back side of the car leaving just enough room amongst all the anti-Bush stuff, pro-choice, peace and gay rights stickers. The rest of the cars were hispanically adorned with Mexican flags and words that I didn’t understand. Some were painted in really pretty colors with glitterful, tiny reflective strings of lights in numerous colors flowing along the lowest exposed points of the entire car. I could tell when they were coming by, since some of them scrapped the speed-bump outside my window because their shock absorbers were completely worn out. I could also tell the same thing when I would hear bass music pounding on my exterior walls, shaking my foundation and causing all the pictures on the interior walls to tilt to one side or crash to the floor.
Needless to say, this was a little scary. I, for the first time in my life, started seriously fearing for my life. I finally broke down with my reluctance to buy a weapon and sneaked off to the nearest gun shop. I picked out a nice semi-automatic with extra clips and bullets that were extra powerful and had hollow points. But before I could get a gun, I had to go through a background check. It didn’t take long before I learned I would not qualify to buy a gun based on two reasons. First, based on my prior military service, I was put on a small dose of antidepressants by the VA, The other issue was associated with the fact that there was a recent record of a police report filed that indicated a possible pending assault charge. I had no other choice but to defend myself some other way. On my way home, I stopped by Walmart to buy a couple of high-powered pellet guns and a crossbow. But I needed more security so I got a quote from a home security vendor. It was $4500 for 24 hour of monitored security and a ton of wiring throughout my home attached to sensors from motion, to broken glass, to body heat. There was a bunch of other things but I had no clue what they were for. That quote was way outside my budget by just about $4500, give or take a few pennies.
I am not stupid so I figured out a more cheaper way. The other precautions were ingenious. I stopped by the local furniture store and found a stuffed, life-sized English Bull Dog accessory for my home. I returned to Walmart and picked up a beware of dog sign in English and Spanish and another sign that said this home is protected by Smith & Wesson. I then got on the computer to find a local home security service, copied their signage trademark to a JPEG file, enlarged it using photo shop and pasted it on a round board I fashioned on a table saw in my garage. I nailed it to long wooden stake I found at the hardware store used for temporary barriers on construction sites. I positioned the sign outside next to my home where the street light would shine on it to improve visibility from the street. I also found an electronic kit where I could create a small box with an LED blinking red light powered by a battery to attach to the wall in clear view from the sliding glass window so anyone who looked in could see that their was a professionally installed security system up and running. I bought little round chair leg coasters and stuck them to all my windows so they would be in clear view. I attached a short wire to them which ran behind the curtain where I taped the end to the wall out of sight. Walla! I had window security glass breakage detectors. Who knew I could do so much with so little? I set up a nylon fishing line “trip wire” that ran into my house and hooked up to a bell I attached to the wall next to my bed. I figured I better not use poison darts since I was not sure the “Make My Day Law” covered me if I did any harm to illegal immigrants who aimlessly and innocently walked on to my patio area who did not understand what “Smith & Wesson” meant.
The traffic outside my home began to taper off. Probably because I was beginning to become old news and their were for sure many others impacted by the bureaucratic red tape, gun control, racist accusations, retaliation for not supporting illegal immigration and abortion and any other label with which the liberals used to describe me. I was becoming a little more relaxed just about the same time when my homeowner’s insurance policy holder representative called me to inform me they were settling out of court, paying all the expenses associated with the injured party. Then they inform me that since they decided to settle out of court, my insurance was going to be increased as a result of my negligence. It was then I noticed I was even becoming a little more relaxed but my wallet started to tremble.
It was just a few days later.
Wow! Did you hear that? I think I heard a thump coming from the area in front of my garage. Oh, shoot! I forgot to take down my mural of gold covering my closed garage! Dang. I called 911 and pulled out my smart phone, tapped on my Spanish translator software application, and rushed outside to take care of the victim. As I approached him, he was still conscious so I yelled into my phone, “help is on the way,” and I then pushed the translate button. The phone blurted out, “Ayude a estar por el camino.” The guy looked up at me and said, “Was?” (pronounced “VOS.”)
“Oh Shit,” I said. I think he is German!
It wasn’t long after that, and after the police report was filed, that cars started driving by my house adorned with German Flags and “Scheiss Ami” or ” more formal “Beschissener Amerikaner” stickers pasted on the rear! The rough translation of both meant “Shitty American.” And just as a side note, the US State Department called to tell me that my Passport needed a special stamp; “Not permitted to travel to any country located within or adjacent to the European Union or countries in Central and South America.” I will be just a matter of time before an Islamic Terrorist hits my garage door and “BOOM,” I would be barred from visiting anywhere in the Middle East. The State Department will have all those countries on a no travel list anyway, but a little overkill won’t hurt.
Yeah, freedom is just great! If you are liberal.
OR, if you are a member of a labor union who contributed 96% of all their political contributions to Democrats, or lawyers and law firms who contributed 76% of all political contributions to Democrats. And isn’t it interesting that the majority of Democrat elected officials in our entire government are mostly lawyers. To be politically correct to Massachusians you need call them “Lahyas.” Have you any idea why we will never see tort reform? Or get rid of Public Labor Unions? Most Republicans are from the business sector. Any idea why corporations are hated so much? It is because they hire liberals but don’t pay them to stop working so they can live at home. There is another sub sector of liberals who vote Democrat, have not worked for quite some time and get food stamps to spend on the greater things in life, like Marijuana and all the other more “Progressive” concoctions known as designer drugs, H, and Crystal Meth; to name a very few. The problem with them is getting them to remember to vote. These folks needed to be on food stamps because they ran out of money when their 99 months of unemployment checks, granted to them by a liberal president, ran out.
Yeah, I know. I got carried away with that last paragraph. Just ruined a perfect story. I am going to just have to learn to stifle my free speech to which I actually am not entitled unless approved by a liberal.