1. Put both lids of the toilet seat up and add 1/8th of a cup of high quality pet shampoo or bubble bath to the water.
2. Pick up your cat and sooth him with comforting strokes as you carry him into the bathroom.
3. In a smooth synchronized and swift movement, drop in your cat and quickly close the lid. You will need to place your bowling ball bag or a heavy brick on top of the lid.
4. At this point you will be witnessing the self agitation cycle where a great deal of suds will be created. Lots of noise coming from the toilet will indicate that the process is working really well and of course, your cat is beginning to really enjoy the frolicking in all the bubbles. It is best not to put in a rubber ducky since it may not survive.
5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides for the power wash and rinse cycle. As an added option, add your favorite, scented fabric softener to the water in the toilet bowl during one of these flushes to bring out a healthy fluffy coat.
6. At this time, still leaving the bowling ball in place on the lid, go prop open the front door and make sure no one, including the dog, is between the toilet and the front door.
7. Put on heavy duty protective work gloves, stand back as far as you can behind the toilet, remain perfectly still and quite, and then quickly open the toilet lid.
8. The cat will rocket from the toilet and streak out the front door to begin the drying cycle. This cycle saves money on running the dryer and will also make ironing unnecessary.
9. It is best to time these baths about the time you need to clean the bathrooms because both the cat and the toilet will be sparkling clean.
P.S. And, don’t forget to read my hilarious story about “Sam the Terrible,” the cat I lived with as a kid.